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Funny:
"M.I.A. Didn't flip us all off. She just had a middle finger malfunction." "Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?" "As a friend of mine in Texas says, he will believe that corporations are people when Texas executes one." "At a time when America is trillions of dollars in debt it is totally irresponsible to be wasting taxpayer money looking for evidence of life elsewhere. We can't even find life in the US Congress, let alone intelligent life!!" "And some have criticized pepper spraying a pregnant woman, but don't forget the cops were spraying for two. And I don't see why they didn't cuff that tiny protester occupying her womb. Just another lazy-do-nothing mooching off of the system. Free room, free board and free Mozart for the next nine months. Get a job! I say you got time to gestate, you got time to collate." "I was a farm kid. All the practice that I had shoveling manure helped me prepare for my current position." "Single-planet species don't last. Ask a dinosaur." "According to the Web site of the Powerball lottery, a player's odds of winning the big kahuna are one in 195,249,054. By contrast, the odds of dying from an meteorite striking the earth is one in 700,000. In other words, you're more likely to be killed by a meteor than you are to hit the power-mega-whatever jackpot." "They should've used code name 'Waldo.'" "It defies logic for a shuttle to go to New York City, a place with no connection to NASA. It's like putting the Statue of Liberty in Omaha." "I was watching Al Gore on CNN. He was talking and talking and talking, and then...out of boredom my pet polar bear shot himself." "Oh, and by the way, poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make." "Saying guns are the problem is like saying spoons are what make people fat." "Loui Eriksson who also sleeps on a Hästen's bed, I do as well; we thank Hästens for providing this second intermission interview. By the way, we don't sleep on those beds together." "My opinion is a view I hold until...well, until I find something that changes it." "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." "No kid likes being told they can't do something. Just try telling Joran van der Sloot he can't make women disappear anymore; it's not gonna happen." "The Times' Standards Editor, Phil Corbett, has stated that, 'Tweet may fade into oblivion.' Well, that's not very nice. Twitter hasn't banned the word 'newspaper,' and those have already faded into oblivion." "I'm terrified this is what young people are going to think adults are supposed to be like. It makes me feel like I actually am a good influence on kids." "Tonight, in conjunction with the Baton Rouge Area Foundation, I am proud to announce that we will use that hundred-grand to set up the Colbert Nation Gulf of America Fund. I don't think we can call it the Gulf of Mexico anymore... we broke it; we bought it." "Sports psychology has a long history, folks. In 1938, Coleman Griffith became the first psychologist hired by a professional sports team when he went to work for the Chicago Cubs who hadn't won a World Series in thirty years. Through weeks of careful observation and behavioural modifications, Griffith was able to turn that number into one-hundred-and-two." "If you're over the age of 18 and you twitter you A) still live at home and have no motivation to move anytime soon B) are a pedophile looking for some young booty C) have severe social anxiety disorder D) are retarded." "I got a text from my girlfriend from the year 2016. Apparently in the future I still haven't cleaned out the hallway closet." "Get hit by a hundred-mile-an-hour slap shot there and not even wince...get tapped by a stick and go down like somebody just cut your belly open." "I am at a place where I am wandering across these empty hills devoid of trails. I've seen nothing that looks like a Mayan monument. I feel like I'm...I'm Sancho Panza trailing behind this wide-eyed archaeologist Donkey Xote who is chasing his impossible dream, and I don't know if we are going to find a windmill or a Mayan monument." "The only thing that's impossible is trying to dribble a football." "When one of the pilots tried to use the bathroom before a bomb-sniffing dog had finished checking all the carry-on bags, an officer ordered him to sit down, according to passenger Alain Ghonda, who thought it odd. 'He was the pilot. If he wanted to do anything, he could've crashed the plane.' It was a metaphor for the rest of the country: Thank you for saving the day." "Sure, God made man before woman, but you always make a rough draft before your final masterpiece." "A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D. or Ph.D. Unfortunately they don't have a J.O.B." "The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." "A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing." "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." "'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?' I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, 'Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner.'" "Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window." "Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac." "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today, and we don't know where the hell she is." "I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain." "The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise." "I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." "Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." "It's not hard to tell we was poor when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline." "I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache." "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." "Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" "I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." "I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'" "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." "The number of people staring in shocked disbelief at you is always directly proportionate to the stupidity of your act." "Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship." "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you." "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." "Grove giveth and Gates taketh away." "I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon." "The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people." "I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it." "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt." "If you think you're too small to make a difference, you haven't been in bed with a mosquito." "Anyone can make a mistake. A fool insists on repeating it." "True that the thinker thinks, and the prover proves; however, the prover must think about what he is going to prove beforehand. If not, then we would have a bunch of 'Al Gores' proving who knows what." "Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock." "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." "If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door." "The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning." "For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." "Chess is the most elaborate waste of human intelligence outside of an advertising agency." "First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me." "I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?" "Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." "I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it." "I created the Internet." "I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." "What's another word for thesaurus?" "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." "If you're going to do something tonight that you will be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late." "Everything that can be invented has been invented." "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else." "Statistics show that about every Taliban a sniper takes down saves about three Marines' lives. So, that's really—at the end of the day—that's what our job is all about, it's saving Marines' lives. And it's something I take very seriously." "Do you not get the joke? I'm making fun of people who take the bracelets too literally; they're not magical. They are a reminder to be a better person, to live a better life. And if you need a rubber band around your wrist to be that, here's an idea: take it off and snap yourself in the eye, and see if that wakes you." "If the situation were to arise, and it was my turn to give my life so that other people might live, I'm prepared to do so. My life was saved, and I'm prepared to give back." "I can hear you. The rest of the world hears you. And the people who knocked these buildings down will hear from all of us soon." "It has finally rumored that the United States has an active campaign of launching drone missles uhh, in the tribal areas—that this is something, which has never been acknowledged by the CIA or the U.S. government. But it is a clear fact there are a significant number of individuals associated with Al Qaeda who have disappeared in a puff of smoke." "The resolve of our great nation is being tested. Make no mistake, we will show the world we will pass this test." "Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all." "I cannot envision all of humanity remaining on this planet. Humanity's destination is in space." "Arrow goes forward only after pulling it backward. Bullet goes forward only after pressing the trigger backward. "I am sure somebody out there in our country's saying, 'My life is miserable. Why me?' – and I hope they take a look at one of these vets and say, 'Hey, that person can do it; I can overcome my difficulty.'" "That's the difference between people like me and heroes who stop and say, 'Is there anybody I can help get out?' I don't know. You know, heroism is someone maybe who is so afraid, who's so frightened that gets fed up and says, 'Dammit, I'm not going to let this happen not only to me but to somebody else.'" "It just goes to show the disconnect between those we elect to represent us and those that get out there and do the work because I am here to say that you won't find a single New York City firefighter who considers it a sign of disrespect to work in a New York City firehouse on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day." "If we give someone more freedom and more opportunities to use their imagination, then they will deliver beyond your wildest dreams. But they have got to have the opportunity to explore, the opportunity to face fear because it's through all of those things that we learn what's the next level." "It is easy to give up when something seems impossible, but trying your best to overcome something is rewarding. Challenging the impossible is something only humans can do, and it is something we should do." "People always say to me, 'Where do you draw the line?' I say, 'Well, there is no line - it's whatever is inside of you.'" "Ideas are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny." "My strength lies solely in my tenacity." "We need to tackle the challenge of connecting 93 million Americans to our broadband future. In the 21st century, a digital divide is an opportunity divide. To bolster American competitiveness abroad and create the jobs of the future here at home, we need to make sure that all Americans have the skills and means to fully participate in the digital economy." "I also feel like when I am getting a massage that's when they're going to find 'the lump.' Like do you know how I feel like somebody will be manipulating and say, 'Hey, did you know...?' 'Nope!' Because if you don't know, you don't know. If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy with any and all bodily functions." "But terrorism is waged by individuals. We saw these young, peasant boys who had little education and no prospects in their country; they are the ones who enlist for the Jihad. So we have political and ideoligical forces on one hand and the simple despair of young men on the other. The two have combined to create a deadly mix. The only way this movie will end well is if we tackle both sides of this problem, and we need to get the military-informed policy right. But we also need to change the sense of hopelessness and the culture of hate that exists in these societies. We need to help these young men you just watched embrace life rather than death." "The chief enemy of creativity is good taste." "Always play the melody, man. Look at them, see their age group, play their love songs, and you'll carry all the money to the bank." "What lies behind us and what lies before us is nothing compared to what lies within us." "In each of us there burns a flame of independence that must never be allowed to go out. That as long as it exists within us cannot be destroyed." "Everything looks impossible for the people who never try anything." "Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to practical use." "Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts." "The only way to kill time is to work it to death." "He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes, but he who never asks a question remains a fool forever." "I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones." "There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." "Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again." "Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up." "We aim above the mark to hit the mark." "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." "Do, or do not; there is no 'try.'" "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." "In youth we learn; in age we understand." "Problems cannot be solved on the same level of awareness which created them." "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." "The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn." "Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions." "Experience is what you got by not having it when you need it." "In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences." "There are a lot of ways to become a failure, but never taking a chance is the most successful." "You may delay, but time will not." "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." "If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything." "You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails." "Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." "You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take." "Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than in the one where they sprang up." "If you think it’s expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." "Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level." "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." "The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination." "The greatest gifts you can give your children are roots of responsibility and wings of independence." "Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it." "What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight — it's the size of the fight in the dog." "Discoveries are often made by not following instructions, by going off the main road, by trying the untried." "People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." "Imagination is more important than knowledge." "That which we persist in doing becomes easier-not that the nature of the task has changed, but our abilities have increased." "Look up and not down, look forward and not back, look out and not in. Lend a hand." "The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart." "There is a close connection between getting up in the world and getting up in the morning." "We each have only enough strength to complete those assignments that we are fully convinced are important." "It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate." "No one can give you better advice than yourself." "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so." "If you don't invest much, then defeat doesn't hurt very much and winning is not very exciting." "Success is not built on what we accomplish for ourselves. Its foundation lies in what we do for others." "The great man is he, who in the midst of the crowd, keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." "Remember that someone, somewhere, is practicing, and when you meet him he will win." "When the time to perform arrives, the time to prepare has past." "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." "The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers." "Don't be a fool and die for your country. Let the other son-of-a-bitch die for his." "One who fears limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again." "To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world to do is to act in accordance with your thinking." "Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." "You can't depend on your judgement when your imagination is out of focus."
"...It's time to load our elected officials on troop planes and send them to Camp Shelby, Mississippi. Put them in tents with no air conditioning, have Army drill sergeants teach them teamwork and physical sacrifice. When they recognize their responsibility to the people of America, they can return to D.C., their upscale restaurants and military plane trips, as though they were royalty. And if they can't? Better that they should fail to learn what an 18-year-old Army private understands than continue to fail America." "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." "I can give you a six-word formula for success: Think things through — then follow through." "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." "If the rate of change on the outside exceeds the rate of change on the inside, the end is near." "A leader is a man who has the ability to get people to do what they don't want to do and like it." "You have achieved excellence as a leader when people will follow you everywhere if only out of curiosity." "The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his time when it comes." "The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it." "'What is our aim?' I answer in one word: Victory—victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival." "There are many things that will catch my eye, but there are only a few things that will catch my heart." "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something." "The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind in others the conviction and will to carry on."
"Sometimes my best choice is to keep silent. Because I know if I try to explain myself, people wouldn't get it anyways." "Three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't." "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home." "Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." "Trying to argue against faith with logic is like trying to nail jelly (Jell-O to the 'merkins) to the ceiling; it's using the wrong tools for an ultimately pointless task." "We like to say it's a good economic indicator when people are willing to pay for empty boxes." "I may not like the guy, but if I were to ever gain such supreme power, I would appreciate someone watching my six (and that not being through a scope)..." "Give a man a fish, and you've fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you've fed him for a lifetime. Give a man religion, and he'll pray for a fish and starve to death." "I think it's pretty rude. If you think about what I'm doing, I'm pointing out a flaw that would affect everybody and that the bad guys could use to install malware. And they're not paying me — I'm just doing it to be nice." "If people want to argue, that's fine with us. It only helps build anticipation." "The media has, as it's always done, done a terrible job reporting on this. They have seen the fire and they've decided to throw gasoline on it. I'm sure they're proud of themselves as they always are. And that is a misplaced pride." "We cooperate, we fight as hard as we can because there will perhaps be disappointment, but there will be no shame." "I beg to ask, when will FT Hood qualify as a combat tour?" "I don't care enough about what people think of me to conform to anything." "Right now if you want nutritional therapy and you go to your doctor and ask for it, it's sort of like ordering Chow mein in a French restaurant; it's not on the menu, and they don't know how to make it, and you're not going to get it." "Texas is not only a state of mind, it's a state of heart, state of soul. There's a sense of bigger than life here... People here are tough and rugged but know how to have a good time. They work hard but they know how to have a good time, and I think they enjoy the very simplest things in life." "The Lion of Jihad was killed in a fierce firefight? No, more like the Jackyl of Jihad was killed hiding behind a woman." "I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own - a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms." "Americans deserve better, and we should demand better, especially from our elected representatives. Empowering ignorance for political gain is unacceptable." "If you're not offending somebody, you're not making good art." "Monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win." "I'll be using Tor a lot more than I ever did — and I used it a lot. I have become one of the people I have spent the last several years of my life protecting. I better take my own advice." "For those that will fight for it...FREEDOM...has a flavor the protected shall never know." "It's a proven fact, Ralph. Profanity does help you deal with pain; it's scientifically proven." "I do think that socializing on the Internet is to socializing what reality TV is to reality." "The most fatal illusion is the settled point of view. Because life is growth and motion, a fixed point of view kills anybody who has one." "I believe if the Red cross wants to do that they can. I understand the arguments from all sides. But for me being a American and the Taliban is our enemy. Note: making plans to attack the US. I can not give aid and comfort to the enemy. The Red Cross will not get another dime from me, and I'll pass the word around." "This is absurd. According to the IRC, their stance on neutrality requires them to aid and abet terrorists. Don't they feel a sense of responsibility for the death and destruction they are supporting? When they help patient X get better, and then the patient builds a bomb that detonates near a school bus full of children, doesn't the IRC understand they are partly responsible for the piles of burning childern, mangled limbs, and snuffed out dreams and lives? Can they be that calloous and uncaring? Apparently so. You can bet I'm cutting off all my donations to this group. If they are stupid enough to do this and so oblivious as to the harm they are committing to contiue it, then my money will be better spent by others." "When they took the Fourth Amendment, I was silent because I don’t deal drugs. When they took the Sixth Amendment, I kept quiet because I know I’m innocent. When they took the Second Amendment, I said nothing because I don’t own a gun. Now they’ve come for the First Amendment, and I can’t say anything at all." "Everyone in the world is born right-handed. Only the best overcome it." "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." "Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you." "The purpose of valor is to make up for someone else's stupidity." "It's society that disables an individual by not investing in enough creativity to allow for someone to show us the quality that makes them rare and valuable and capable." "I've known plenty of people with high IQs that were book smart and dumb as a box of rocks. Most of them were liberals who couldn't form a cohesive thought without someone else giving it to them....Conservatives are in the same boat. CNN finds ANYTHING to push government propaganda. Pathetic journalism at best..." "Sending condolences via twitter is like proposing to your girlfriend via an answering machine message – 'manners' is 100% right. Every step we take forward in technology is sometimes accompanied by a step backward in common human respect." "That is a tactical and strategic mistake. If you're playing chess, do you tell your opponent your next move? To broadcast that for the sake of politics, to me, that is very wrong." "My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all." "I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to." "To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." "The more I see, the less I know for sure." "I think it's a desire to sort of say ... 'We won't have to worry about the future, because there is no future.' And so therefore, we can do what we want now, and all the debts are put off, and all the responsibilities are avoided." "He's already prayed to Allah. I'll let Allah take care of him. I'm praying for my people, the good people here." "Nirvana: the state of place or state of oblivion to care, pain or external reality." "Doing an injury puts you below your enemy; revenging one makes you but even with him; forgiving it sets you above him." "Justice don't mean the bad guy goes to jail; it just means somebody pays for the crime." "To get maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big mistake." "If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires." "Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back." "You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions." "There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Just don't respond with encores." "Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." "There is no point in being exact if you don't know what you are talking about." "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." "Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places." "Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up." "To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy." "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." "There are three kinds of lies: lies; damned lies; and statistics." "Time is the scarcest resource, and unless it is managed nothing else can be managed." "All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward." "The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary." "Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts." "A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on." "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." "We are born as noble savages only to be warped by our own society." "Hatred, which could destroy so much, failed to kill the man who hated." "Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste death but once. Of all the wonders yet I have heard, it seems the most strange that men should fear, seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it come." "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." "Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego.'" "Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." "I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means." "I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma; a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth." "Wit is educated insolence." "Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research." "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." "Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." "I have often regretted my speech, never my silence." "Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things." "I contend that we are both atheists; I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." |